It’s been ONE Month

One month ago my best friend went to dance with Jesus. In some ways it’s gone fast and in others slow. I’ve counted the days, each and every one. Each morning they are marked in my brain. Two days ago, she was gone. A week ago we said good-bye to her earthly body. Three weeks ago I gave the eulogy at my best friend’s celebration service.

Giving the eulogy at your best friend’s celebration service is NOT something you should do before you’re forty. (Yes, I have a few more months before I’m forty people!) What’s worse, she was only thirty-five. For thirty-five years she lived on this earth. For thirty-five years she shone God’s light to all who encountered her. Many were blessed to know her. I was honored to call her my BFF.

Do I miss her? OH YES I miss her. But, I don’t miss the her that died a month ago. I miss the her that cancer took away from us months before that. I miss my BFF. I miss the lady who made me laugh and then cried with me when I was sad. I miss the woman whose babies I fed and who cackled when her son peed all over me. I miss my friend who made the best banana puddin’ around. I SO MISS her.

While I miss her, I rejoice that she is no longer here…suffering and in pain. She is finally healed. For that, I dance and I sing…. even while I cry…

For those that have requested, you can read my eulogy on her Caring Bridge Page on the March 4th Journal entry.

If you have a moment, pray for those of us who are grieving for Katie today, especially her husband and two children.

My Absence Explained

I’ve been rather absent from the blog since Blissdom. Oh, I dropped in to give a recap, and I did my necessary Losing It Friday posts, but other than that, I’ve been rather absent.

You may think that I decided, like Alicia did, that blogging isn’t going to become a “job” for me. I’m not willing to put in the work it would take to make it lucrative. Well….maybe not right now, but I haven’t said “never” to making money from blogging. It’s just not where I’m at right now. It’s not where I’m meant to be.

No, God has a MUCH bigger plan for me right now. He needs me to bring my AWESOME somewhere else. (Have you read Ohamanda’s post about bringing your awesome? You must read it.) He needs me to bring my awesome to my BFF Katie and her family.

You see, my friend, Katie, is not going to be with us much longer. She is going to have the pleasure of being with her heavenly Father much sooner than she would have planned, but we know it will be exactly when He has planned. My friend, Katie, has cancer…. in her liver… and it’s not going away. We (and I say we because if you’ve been close to a cancer patient you know it is a group effort) have battled that stupid cancer in her liver for almost three years now. Her liver can’t take any more. It’s done. The doctors are out of options. Only my God can save her.

I pray daily for my God to save her. I pray big, and I pray long. However, I also pray for His will. I pray that “His will be done on earth as it is in Heaven.” Since I pray that, I have to be ready to hear a “no.” I have to be ready to hear that healing her is not in His plan. I have to be prepared for what a “no” means. A “no” means the ULTIMATE PARTY for her, and deep sorrow for those she leaves behind. A sorrow not that we will never see her again, but a sorrow because her laughter and her smile will be missed while we are still shackled to our earthly bodies.

While my Katie is still with us, I am spending as much time as I can with her while still working my full time job (although they are being VERY understanding) and caring for my own family. I am her list maker, her get it done girl, and I therefore have the honor of helping her transition during this time. There is much to do to prepare your home and family to run without you. There are many things to be written down and many plans to be made. It is here, with Katie, that I am currently bringing my AWESOME (or at least am attempting to with God’s help). I sometimes wonder if we became friends over ten years ago just so that I could be in this place at this time. In fact, I’m pretty sure that was His plan all along.

So, if you miss me here, know that I am where I need to be, with my Katie and her family… attempting to bring her (and HIM) my awesome.

If you would like to read my Katie’s story, visit her Caring Bridge Page. And, if you have a moment, please say a prayer for my Katie and her family.