Today, I spent time with just Miss B.
I honesty can’t remember the last time I did that. Or, in fact, if I’ve ever done that. Back when her mama was sick, I always grabbed both kids for outings to give her time to rest or see the doctor. Then, when Katie went to be with Jesus too soon, it was all hands on deck and again it was always both kids together along with my own.
Children grow, schedules get busy and whenever we get together now it’s as whole families. The sisters and their husbands and their kids… it’s kinda chaos actually. The good kind of chaos, but crazy just the same.
This week, God whispered to me that Miss B needed some girl time – some time without big brother – some time not with the grandmothers (I mean they’re girls, but come on, they’re grandmas.) My girl had plans, the hubby had plans, I was available so I schedule a girl day. And, we had a blast.
And a movie.
And then a little shopping.
I took multiple pictures today because I want to remember that smile – the fun we had. I want to remember that I
need want to do it again.
I want to hear this sweet girl, who lost her mother so young, bubble with joy and babble like tween girls do about nothing and everything all at once.
I want to look at her face and see glimpses of her mama and remember how much fun we had before our babies were even born. We too went out to lunch and to the movies and giggled and talked about nothing and everything all in the same breath.
I want to remember that God made this precious, precious girl – a miracle child – to continue Katie’s legacy and make the world an even better place.
I want to remember that I made a promise to my Katie to love her babies like my own and that can’t be done at arms length.
You see, I kinda wonder if the reason I’ve not scheduled a girl’s day before is that I was afraid – so very afraid – that it was going to be hard. That it was going to hurt. That I would miss Katie even more when I spent time with her mini-me and remembered the plans we had to raise our kids together.
I was right to be afraid.
It hurt. It continues to hurt. Like a dull ache around my heart.
It’s an ache I recognize as one that will never fully go away.
The pain ebbs and flows, but it will always be.
Do you know what’s greater than the pain?
That girl’s smile.
I can’t wait to see it again.